viernes, 30 de marzo de 2018


No hay peor delito que el traicionar la confianza. 
(Ibrahim S. Lerak, Cuaderno de notas)

Einmal ist keinmal, zweimal ist einmal zuviel.
(Proverbio alemán)

I will put my trust in Him.
(Hebrews 2:13)

The last session of the nosers' meeting was what we call a white session. There is no prefixed item for the speaker and his intervention deals about a topic that is chosen by the audience five minutes before. This time the selected item was trust. Up to the orator to decide how to develop the subject and provoke an interesting discussion after. 

-- Well there are many examples of what trust implies and many expressions that show that trust can be lost in one minute after years of building it. But in fact is all so, also life takes years and is lost in one second. But there are two general points that concern trust. The first is that there is no rule, no low that explains how to gain somebody's trust. What for Jack is a clear sign, for Peter is exactly the opposite. So, how is trust gained?, can we even think of something that shows the other that we are trustful? 

The second point is that unlike to other things trust can't be totally rebuilt. Many gurus explain that it is not so, that good behavior and patience bring trust back to the level it was. I'm afraid this is not so. Let me show it: (here the lecturer asked one of the persons of the audience to take a dish that was under the bottle of water on the table) "Please throw it strong on the floor." (the person did so) Now see, your action has broken the dish is several pieces. "Can you please say sorry to the dish?" (the person did so). Is the dish recreated by your saying sorry? No, you see it. Sorry is not a magical word. True, we can recompose the dish with patience and do it carefully and well... but we always will see and know it was broken. With the time we may forget how it was broken, but the dish will never be the same as before. 

But let me come back to the first point. How do we lose trust? Clear: doing something that the trustee considers negative, even if we do it with all our best willingness to please. This was the case of the right hand of Theodoric the Great. As most of the Goths was not catholic but Arian. One day his collaborator wanted to show him how much he was disposed to do for him and changed his religion from Roman Catholic to Arian. The reaction from Theodoric was not to be happy and say how nice, but to let him executed. The reason was simple he said: How can I trust somebody that betrays his god to please me? I can never be over his god, so, I can't expect his loyalty. And this is the point. We lose trust not for the actions we do but for the expectations the others have on us. Is quite different. And important.

If we really want to gain trust we have to do a couple of things. One is to be coherent to what we say we are, feel and want. If by any reason is there a change we must be not only able to explain it... but do it before we are questioned. The other is also easy in theory... we have to keep the same attitude to the others no matter what is changing in our personal life. Only who keeps the same thought in a party and in front of a firing battalion can be trusted

If the lost trust can't be rebuilt what is the use of sorry and forgiveness? Well , sorry expresses the personal apology of the actor. In itself doesn't change anything, shows only the will not to do it again if possible. Forgiveness ... is a completely different item. It won’t change the past but allows to continue and influence the future. Forgiveness consists in a voluntary change of the immediate reaction of destructing behaviors directed against who has caused the damage by other constructive one. 

Forgiveness is not a single act which is made in a given time, is an on-going process to be completed over time. Forgiveness is a task of several levels. The first: to stop destructive behaviors (as stop to seek revenge or justice, complain to everyone, consciously want evil to the perpetrator, pray that it happens something wrong to him, etc.). The second: to conduct positive actions towards it. Forgiveness, if there are positive responses by the forgiven, can also restore confidence in the aggressor. But confidence is not exactly trust and it takes long time, right? 

The speaker stopped here, letting us discuss about trust, confidence, sorry and forgiveness. Was --as usual-- a long discussion in which we all were confident that we would be forgiven for telling clearly our thoughts and that no trust was lost to anybody as expressing own ideas needs no sorry behind. 

3 comentarios:

  1. “La honestidad es un regalo muy caro. No lo esperes de gente barata”. Warren Buffett

    Para mí, los valores son fundamentales. Hay cosas que una vez rotas o gastadas, no vuelven.


  2. Personalmente, creo que el perdón nos ayuda a vivir en paz con nosotros mismos, es liberarse de todo lo soportado para seguir adelante. A menudo pero, se confunde perdón con reconciliación y olvido, como si fuera una exigencia, como si para perdonar fuera necesario olvidar. El olvido está lleno de memoria, decía Mario Benedetti. Es un error pensar que para poder perdonar hay que olvidar lo que ha pasado.
    Permítame también querido albardan, que cite a Henri Lacondaire. "¿Quieres ser feliz un instante? Véngate. ¿Quieres ser feliz siempre? Perdona".
    El perdón es libre, nos pertenece, ya que sólo nosotros podemos decidir si queremos hacer uso, ya que si el perdón no fuera libre, no existiría como tal.

  3. Gracias Sombra,

    el 06/03/2017 se publicó un post sobre el perdón y el olvido, creo que allí esta el comentario a esta aportación.